Making friends in Spain

Facebook recommendations

Once we got settled and had navigated the various admin processes of the Spanish authorities to become registered, I started to look for ways of meeting people.   The very first thing I did was to join a Facebook group for English speakers in our locality to look for Spanish classes.  This was an incredibly useful source of information, because I found recommendations for local builders, internet providers, restaurants, seamstresses, sporting activities, swimming pool repairers, cleaners, gardeners, hardware suppliers, flamenco dancers, local fiestas, chess clubs, bands, church services … and also a great Spanish teacher.  Most towns will have such Facebook groups, and it is well worth spending a bit of time searching for such a group in your own town, or if that is very small or few expats live there, a bigger nearby town. 

The Expat community

It sometimes feels as if the word ‘expat’ has a particular connotation and people often have preconceptions and assumptions about class, education and privilege.  But that is not what I found.  The people around us who are not Spanish, are simply … people.  They come from different backgrounds and have different reasons for moving to Spain.  Some of them are retired, others work.  Some live in ‘palaces’, others in more modest dwellings.   We mix with a very international community (Dutch, Finnish, Belgian, British, Swedish, Italian and others) and that’s a great feeling.  Making friends locally also has the benefit of being able to visit all those amazing Spanish homes around here.  A few weeks ago, I went to visit a friend at her home in the hills, with the best ever views over the snowy Sierra Nevada, even from her bathroom! 

International/British bars

Most towns of any size have a British or International bar where expats get together.   And that is often the place for sharing information about yourself, your hobbies and interests and where I found that there really is a lot going on locally.  I’ve heard of pottery and macrame classes, yoga on the beach by the lake, walking groups, painting classes, a pilates group, a chess club and a church choir.  And there’s probably more depending on what floats your boat. Going to a new club or joining a group can be daunting, and some groups are more open to newcomers than others.  Sticking with it is the key, because friendships grow over time, based on shared experiences.

Local friends

We’ve been very lucky, because we’ve made some great friends with people who live close by.  When covid rules allow, we see each other a lot – for a coffee, a meal in the village bar, a trip to explore different parts of the province.   It’s all about taking the initiative, and coming up with different ideas of things to do.  For example, last week we visited Priego de Cordoba, this week we will have a meal in our local bar ‘Los Pajaritos’, and we continue with our cinema club on Saturday nights.  Due to Covid, we’re a very small group, but watching a movie together and talking about it afterwards really helps getting to know each other well.  And we see films that otherwise we’d never have seen – a real bonus.

The Spanish community

One of my big goals in my first year of living here was to have a Spanish friend.  For that, I needed to become comfortable in Spanish.  I’d been learning the language (on and off) for years, but having a class once a week simply isn’t enough to get me talking.  I have this fear of being misunderstood and not being able to convey what I want to say, and so when we meet our Spanish neighbours I grin, say a quick ‘buenos dias’ and walk on. 

Walking and talking

The breakthrough came when we invited all the neighbours who live along our track to Christmas drinks over a year ago.   With a room full of people chatting away in pure Andalucian (not exactly the same as Spanish) I weaved through the crowds offering drinks and Christmas nibbles, trying to pick up words and phrases.  That evening I met two ladies who wanted to improve their English, in the same way as I wanted to improve my Spanish.  And now we have regular walks and we talk, starting in Spanish, return journey in English – or sometimes a total mixture.  Or we write a story for our friend to review.  I even managed to talk through the complexities of personality profiling, though with enormous help from Google Translate!  And over time, they’ve become real friends, and we talk about more than just the weather. 

What I found is that it takes time, and a genuine interest in people and their lives.  We ask each other questions, and at times we’re amazed at the differences between our cultural backgrounds.  At other times we’re amazed at the similarities.   I’m still a long way from being able to talk fluently and respond spontaneously, but I know that my friends have the patience to listen to my imperfect Spanish, as I have with them. 

Home is ….

Finding friends has been hugely important to make us feel at home, here in Spain.  What also has helped in making us feel settled has been our little kittens – though no longer so little – who are continuously introducing rabbits, mice and birds into our living room.   But that’s part of living with cats in el campo, and well compensated for by evenings with purring cats snuggled on our laps by the fire.  Now, that feels like home!